The Year Santa Got Mugged
by Determined
Summary: AU, Daisuke believes in Santa. Satoshi and Dark don't. So begins the epic quest of the two to the North Pole. Review! I guarentee it'll at least make you giggle. One shot. Slight Krad bashing. I don't hate him! I wrote it last year, so forgive my grammar.


Hee hee...I wrote this story in grade 6, so forgive me for bad grammar. It was for a Christmas essay. 

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_Jingle bell, Jingle bells, Jingle all the way,_

"I love Christmas time."

_Oh what fun it is to ride,_

"Hn."

_In a one horse open sleigh,_

"It's a season of joy and love!"

_Hey!_

"Hn."

_Dashing through the sn-_

**"Why'd you do that!?! That was my favourite radio!"**

"Now it's your favourite broken radio."

Dark, the phantom thief had smashed Daisuke's favourite radio with a baseball bat. Normally, Daisuke would have begun chasing Dark until he found a sharp object in his one bedroom apartment and then start to poke Dark with it. But Daisuke was in a good mood, so he just shrugged it off and forgot about it. Dark always did stuff like that. He continued to drone on about Christmas to Dark.

"But do you know what the best thing is about Christmas?"

"No. And I don't want to find out."

"SANTA CLAUS!"

Just after Daisuke's joyous proclaimation, a knock was sounded from his door. Curiously, Daisuke sprang up and opened it.

"Good day Daisuke. Hello Dark."

Daisuke's friend, Satoshi Hiwatari, gave the redhead a timid grin and produced a tiny, velvet blue boxfrom behind him.

"Happy advanced Christmas Daisuke."

Daisuke smiled. "Thanks for remembering."

Dark started to fumble around in his pant's pockets. "I almost forgot...happy advance Christmas too Daisuke." He handed Daisuke a pair of glasses.

"Dark...give my glasses back." said an emotionless Satoshi quietly. Daisuke shot Dark a disapproving look. Dark blushed. "Heh heh...umm, here you go." He pulled at the spectacle's ends, and tried pushing the glasses up Satoshi's nose.

"So Daisuke," Dark sat himself down on the sofa, while making a motion for the two to join him. "You believe in Santa?"

Daisuke nodded vigarously.

"Uh huh, he's the best! He brings toys to all the good boys and girls and he has a jolly red nose, and a white beard, and a big belly, and twinkling eyes, and-"

"Santa doesn't exist."

Daisuke gasped. "Satoshi, how can you say such a thing!?!"

"I'm leaving." Satoshi began to walk out the door.

While, Satoshi and Daisuke were having this pleasant discussion, Dark had nicked the blue box and had a subtle peek. Inside was a silver ring and a sparkling ruby jewel on it. Woah...was creepy boy trying to get engaged with Daisuke?

Now Dark is like a magpie. If he sees something really shiny, he takes it. So he stole the box, containing the ring, and swiftly placed it in his pocket. He knew it was wrong but...it was 7 carats!

"Hey wait, I'm coming!" He called after Satoshi in an easy, casual way. "Bye Dai-chan, Merry Christmas!" He ran after the bluenette, and shut the door behind him.

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A blanket of pure white snow covered Dorobo City. As the two walked side by side, Dark began to wish he brought a jacket. He shivered. But it seemed like Satoshi wasn't even fazed by the weather. And he was only wearing a short sleeve top!

"How can you stand it? I'm bloody freezing! Is it like 45 degrees below, or something?"

But Satoshi just kept walking down the bustling street of Christmas Lights and Toys. It was ironic, Dark mused, because that was the actual name of the street. And it was true to it's name. Suddenly, Satoshi broke out into a run.

"Hey! Where are you going, Satty?"

Dark easily kept up and was by Satoshi side in an instant. Strange, thought Dark. Why would he go into an alley?

"Satty, why are we here?"

Satoshi sighed. He fixed his eyes on Dark.

"Would you like to help me?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Come with me."

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Satoshi was thinking. Well Satoshi was always thinking.

He was bothered that Daisuke's belief in Santa was childish. A bit too childish. What if he developed a disorder? Satoshi shuddered at the thought. He had a plan, but he would need Dark's help.

"Do you believe in Santa, Dark?"

"No."

"Do you want to prove that to Daisuke, our dear friend?"

"...Where are we getting at?"

Satoshi took a deep breath. It was vital that Dark agreed to this, so he had to come with a desirable deal.

"Would you like to go to the North Pole to see if Santa's there and to tell Daisuke that he isn't when we don't find him?"

"Daisuke would believe us because...?"

Satoshi smirked. "Because that ring in your pocket is a minute sized camera Dark. We'll take pictures."

Dark stiffened. "All right, I'll come Mr. I See All. But how'll we get a plane to the North Pole? I'm broke and all the plane prices are sky high."

Satoshi smiled a vampire smile. The kind of smile a vampire _(coughArtemisFowlcough)_ gives his victims before he sinks his teeth into their necks.

"Planes are legal. Illegal is much faster."

Dark shivered. But not because of the cold.

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_December 21, 2005._

Tokyo, Japan at the top of Satoshi's building.

"You keep a helicopter at the top of you building?! And your landlord allows it?!"

"My landlord is my dad. And this is not any helicopter. It's called the "Sonic Bird". It flys at the speed of sound, so we'll be in the North Pole in no time. And it's not mine." Satoshi muttered all of this in a tone that suggested he didn't want to be heard.

**"Iz mine."** A man who looked of European descentage and was robed in black appeared out of nowhere from behind them. **"Doo yu hav zee 43 grand?"**

"Yes. It's in my suitcase."

**"Zen hop in."**

_30 minutes later._

". . . .. . . . . Woah." Dark shook his head. "Thanks for the ride." He started to climb out of the chopper. A gloved hand gripped Dark's spiky hair.

"Ow, ow, ow."

**"Money."** Was all the man said.

"Relax Krad. Here." Satoshi handed Krad his suitcase. **"I pik yoo up wen?"**

"Christmas Eve. Pleasure doing bussiness with you." Satoshi and Dark jumped out. They watched silently as the helicopter zoomed out of sight.

"Why'd you tell him to pick us up on Christmas Eve?"

"We're in Nunavut. I couldn't afford the North Pole. We'll be there in a day. Or two. On foot of course. No one lives in these parts."

"...I hate you."

"I love you too."

"I guess that explains the ring."

"...Start walking."

They walked and walked and walked and walked and w-sorry. The dynamic duo took a break around 5:00 am for 5 minutes and then continued walking. Dark was completely bored. So he started to ask dumb question like;

"Hey Satoshi?"

"What?"

"Nunavut's in Japan, right?"

He said many more but I have a finger cramp. Dark only asked one logical question.

"Why were you going to give Daisuke a ring for Christmas? It's a bit awkward."

"...The red ruby reminded me of his hair."

"Oh. Weird."

Dark may have said that, but he was thinking only one thing. **CREEPY BOY'S IN DENIAL.**

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Dark started to take pictures with the ring. He found a tiny button to the left of the ruby. He took pictures of snow, him, and Satoshi. But he especially took pictures of the wildlife, like serene frozen lakes, diminutive pieces of moss, and hordes of rabid reindeer that gave him and Satoshi many carrdiac workouts.

Finally, just as the sun setted for the third time, Satoshi announced, "We've just reached the North Pole! And guess what? I don't see Santa."

"Hey look!" Dark had spotted the famous red and white pole that read "THE NORTH POLE" in bold letters. Dark grinned. "Dare you to lick it."

Silence.

"Please?"

More silence.

"Fine, I'll lick it."

Satoshi snorted at Dark's stupidity.

Suddenly, the night sky lit up with a bright light, much to bright to be the Northern Lights. "Oooh..." was Dark's reaction. Satoshi only seemed mildly surprised.

Then, quick as a nick, a toy shop stood in front of the pair. It looked just like one you would see in a mall. Through the windows, Dark could see shadows moving too fast for the human eye to see dart to and fro. But the toys...Dark had never seen so many toys in his life. Now you should already know that Dark is a kleptomaniac, who really likes to steal. A LOT. Him being the Phantom Thief and all. Quickly, his natural Kaitou instinct kicked in. Dark swiftly jabbed the sensitive nerves in Satoshi's neck that would knock him out unconscious for a few hours, leaped high into the air, bodyslammed the window, and started pandamonium.

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**"HUMAN!"**

**"GET NICK! IT'S A MORTAL!**

"Fa la la la la la la la l-**AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"**

Dark grabbed the nearest squirmy object, and banged it's upper body against a worktable. It was an elf, in the form of a shadow. The elves WERE shadows. Interesting, thought Dark.

"Nobody move. Or the same happens to you!"

"Look what the human did to Naruto!"

"Oh no!"

**"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"**

"Give me the toys." ordered Dark. "Put them into the sack over there."

A shadow stepped over to Dark. "But sir...they're for the childre-"

Dark bashed the poor elf's head into a nearby wall. Horrifyed, the elves silently put all the toys in the sack. Soon, it was full.

"HO HO HO!" What's going on here?" Santa Claus walked out of a door in the back, wearing his usual uniform. "What do you think you're doing mister?"

But Dark payed no attention to the old man's garble. All he saw were Santa's fabled twinkling eyes. Twinkling diamonds to him...

He lunged at Santa. But the jolly old man easily stepped aside and produced a pokeball form his pocket.

"Pikachu, I choose you!"

What the heck?!?" screamed a bewildered Dark seconds before he was electifyed.

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Satoshi groaned. His head felt like the Sonic Bird was smashing into his cranium repeatedly. And where was Dark? Oh well, worry about that later. Suddenly, he heard an extremely high pitched voice.

"Heck no! We won't go!"

"Stand for equal rights! Support the no Santa Claus Clause!"

Satoshi's eyes laid upon two...talking reindeer?

"Dasher, I think it's a human!"

"Do you think it'll support our strike against Santa, Rudolph?"

"Nope. Let's jump him!"

And so, Satoshi began running for his life. In circles. Round and round and round...

until he almost tripped on a brown-haired china doll.

"Umph!"

Satoshi leaned down to pick it up, and out of instinct, threw it at one of his chasers, who happened to be Rudolph. Rudolph moaned and begged for mercy. Dasher ran away out of cowardice. His nose, thought Satoshi. Is his weakness.

He quickly walked up to Rudolph, grabbed the dolly, and started wacking the poor dear to kingdom come. Rudolph eventually fainted. His last words were "You can't see me."

"Oh my Akito. I killed Rudolph." Satoshi sat numbly on the snow. "But wait...if Rudolph's real...and the toyshop's here...Santa must be real too!"

No duh.

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Dark made a speedy recovery in under 4 seconds, and began his showdown with Kris Kringle. Santa threw an elf at him. Dark smiled at the elf in mid air, and it blew up. The Santa threw cds in a shuriken like fashion. Shiny cds. They struck the oblivious boy down. Dark was near death. So he decided to beat Santa the Kaitou way. Quick as a flash, he snatched the sack, leaped high, nicked Santa's hat, and jumped out of the window he broke earlier. But before he left, he said this epic phrase.

"Merry Christmas, poppets!"

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Satoshi was still sitting numbly when Dark came. Before the boy could say anything, Dark pulled the boy up. "Let's go! Hurry!"

A mob of angry elves pursuited our heroes. They ran and ran and ran-

until the ran smack into the Sonic Bird.

**"Neid za lift?"**

Dark and Satoshi scrambled in before the elf mob could touch them. Krad raised a eyebrow. "Don't ask." muttered Dark. Satoshi snickered. suddenly, Dark began to feel huge pains in his chest. He groaned. No one really knows what happened, but they all say his heart grew 2 sizes bigger that day.

"Hey Krad...how much is an all around the world trip?"

**"Hmm...4.5 million. A tripe aroun' za world takez z'all nigh."**

"I'll give you your money in Japan."

**"'Kay. We have za deil."**

Satoshi merely gave Dark a questioning look, which Dark chose to ignore.

So the Sonic Bird set flight for around the world. As they flew, whenever they passed by a home, Dark opened the door and threw down a toy. Surprisingly, each toy managed to fit itself right into the chimmney without breaking. Satoshi looked shocked "I didn't know you were so kind." Dark grinned.

"I'm as kind as you are. Which isn't saying much."

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At 6:00 on Christmas morning, the Sonic Bird arrived on top of Satoshi's building. Once there, Dark yawned and was about to casually walk out...

**"Za money."**

"(sigh) Close your eyes and open your hands."

Krad obeyed.

...Dark knocked him out with a baseball bat.

"That's what you get, you homicidal blonde."

And with that, Dark and Satoshi started their way to Daisuke's house.

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"Satoshi! Dark! It's so good to see you two! Come in!" The little redhead welcomed his two friends into his humble abode. He fumbled with the locks, and gestured for his friends to sit down on the couch.

"I have presents for you two! Wait here, 'kay?"

Daisuke went into his bedroom.

Inwardly, Dark smirked. Satoshi had nothing to give to Daisuke! The Kaitou had took it upon himself to destroy the ring by throwing it out the window of the Sonic Bird. and when Daisuke gives Satty his gift, Satty would be consumed by guilt! Unlike him, Dark had a present for their favourite redhead.

Inwardly, Satoshi smirked. Dark had nothing to give to Daisuke! Satoshi knew this because the boy was dead broke! When Dai-chan gives Dark his gift, Dark would be consumed by guilt! Unlike him, Satoshi had a gift for their favourite redhead.

"Okie dokie! Here ya go!" Daisuke was holding four large, wrapped boxes. Happily, he sat down on the floor in front of them. He threw each of them a pair of presents.

The group lasped into an awkward silence.

"...Well? Aren't you gonna open them? The ones in red are from me, and the green one are from Santa! Turns out you two were good after all!"

"Heh heh...yeah."

"Let's go with that, Niwa-kun."

"...Umm...what'd you get me? Oh yeah, Satoshi I lost your present, I'm so sorry..."

"It's okay. I always have an extra." And with that, Satoshi pulled out a duplicate of the ring from his pocket.

**"WHAT!?!? WHERE'D YOU GET THAT CREEPY BOY!?!"**

"Oh Satoshi...it's beautiful. (blushes) thank you."

"(blushes) No problem."

"EWWW!! GET A ROOM YOU TWO!"

"(dual glare.)"

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In the end, all ended happily.

Satoshi got a frilly pink stationary kit from Dark, (a leftover from Santa's sack), and a new navy blue notebook from Daisuke.

Daisuke got the ruby ring from Satoshi, and a toy radio from Dark. (Again, a leftover.)

Dark reccieved a new baseball bat from Daisuke, and a strait jacket from Satoshi. (To restrain him.)

...And as for the gifts from Santa? They were two gift cards for 535667243243 pounds of coal.

They were never used.

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Review?


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